3.  Which is your favorite Love, Intimacy & Sexuality workshop level and why?

I find this simple question remarkably complex to answer.  Every level of the workshop has had powerful effects on my life.  I really see the entire series as one workshop divided up over a bunch of different weekends. 

When I first participated, I think my life changed as a result of Level 3 more than any of the other levels.  On the other hand, Level 1 was like learning a new a language, after spending a lifetime longing to speak.  And Level 2 profoundly changed my relationship with me. 

Well, that’s why this is such a hard question to answer.  I guess my favorite Level is whatever Level I’m attending or leading.

4.  As a workshop leader, do you participate in workshops sometimes, and what insights do you gain from being a participant?

I notice that I feel a bit defensive answering this question.  I have a belief that I should participate at least one weekend per year.  And, in fact, I average a bit less than that. 

The major thing that keeps me from participating is time.  I work about 40 weekends each year.  Of those dozen weekends when I’m not working, there are perhaps 4 or 5 when there is some great workshop scheduled that I could attend.  But those are also weekends I can be at home with my family, see friends who only seem available on weekends, take vacations, complete interviews like this one, etc.

When leading workshops I do, occasionally, participate in exercises, when asked.  I love doing exercises with people.  I love the intimacy, the opening, and the sweetness.  I love connecting.  I love discovering things about myself in the mirror of others. 

I also think the distinction between what I learn by teaching as opposed to what I learn participating is mostly an illusion.  I learn new things about myself at every workshop.  Life keeps offering me lessons, and as I complete each lesson, life offers me another lesson.  And being at workshop is, in my opinion, the best place in the world for me to work on my lessons, regardless of my role. 

5.  We often talk about the impact on our lives from our upbringing, family, religion, and so on.  Would you share some of what made the most impact on you?

All of my life, my upbringing, my family, my religion has had a major impact on me.  It is all the stuff that is source material for the personality I am constantly evolving.  It’s hard to quantify what has had the most impact on me.  So maybe I’ll just tell you bits and pieces about my life.

My biological family has had a huge impact on which I am.  I am the middle of 5 children (older sister, older brother, younger sister, and younger brother).  My father was an engineer, my mother a teacher.  My father was also an alcoholic, and died from the effects of his drinking in 1995.  I grew up in an alcoholic family.  (I want to say this in a way to make it sound less harsh, but my truth is that it was harsh.)  We are a family of loud, dynamic, strong-willed individuals, and the house I grew up in was always filled with joking, fighting, singing, crying, deep philosophical debates, and political diatribes, as well as drunken rages and emotional abuse.  I learned how to speak up, how to frame my opinions, how to win arguments, how to tell jokes, how to be strong and smart.  I also learned how to hide, how to be invisible, how to take punishment, how to not let others see my pain or fear or weakness.  I spent years as a grateful member of AlAnon, unraveling the effects of my Dads alcoholism on me, getting off of the merry-go-round of denial, and finally freeing myself from our family addiction.

I spent a lot of my youth in a kind of controlled rebellion.  I did a number of things to make trouble for others, I was a bit of a bully, and I used a lot of drugs.  Mostly, I didn't get caught.  And mostly my parents never really knew how much trouble I got into. 

When I got to college I majored in philosophy, and began to get conscious about whom I was, and what was my purpose for being on the planet.  I studied spirituality and religion, and for a time thought I might become a Rabbi.  I studied the nature of reality, and for a time, thought I might learn how to astral project myself.  I learned to read cards, and for a time supported myself by doing Tarot readings for others.  I studied Eastern thought and began a lifelong interest in Buddhism.

Engaged Buddhism has become my religious affiliation.  Reading, studying, absorbing the foundations of Buddhist thought has provided me with some of my most profound spiritual experiences.  It is through these religious beliefs that I have come to know that my life's work is about the reduction of suffering and the development of compassion among all beings.

6. You have a young daughter and a stepson.  What are you learning from your experience as a father?

My daughter’s name is Genyana, which is a variation of a Sanskrit word that means wisdom.  She is well named, as she is most definitely my teacher. 

Having Genyana in my life is the source of my greatest joy.  I live with this incredibly wise innocent who helps me see everything through new eyes.  As I learn to parent her I learn to re-parent me.  I am constantly reminded that life is a joyous gift, filled with hugs and kisses, balloons and bubbles, finger-painting and coloring.  My daughter reminds me to invent songs and to laugh just because it feels good to laugh.  She also reminds me to cry when I hurt, to seek hugs when I'm frightened, to trust when I don't feel safe.

My stepson’s name is Niko.  I never wanted a son, because I had so many difficult moments with my own Dad.  Having Niko in my life has changed all that. Through him, I get to experience some of what my Dad must have experienced.  I learn to love my own boy-ness.  The thrill of teaching him to ride a two-wheeler, the sweetness at bedtime stories, his fearless bravado, all touch me profoundly.

Having Niko and Genyana in my life has opened my heart to a depth of loving beyond anything I ever imagined.  And I believe that accessing that love has effected every other aspect of my life.  I love being a Daddy.  I love being able to offer daddy-love to others.  And I love finding a deeper level of compassion for my own biological Dad, and for all Dads everywhere.

7.  How have you integrated the message of HAI into your life and family?

At every workshop we talk about replacing ignorance and fear with awareness and love.  We talk of creating a world where people live together in dignity, respect, understanding, trust, kindness, compassion, honesty, and love.  We envision a world where everyone wins.  These are also the guiding principles of my life. 

When I stay mindful, I find many opportunities to practice treating people as if any one I come in contact with might be the Messiah or the Buddha.  I ask people to talk to me, and I practice listening.  I seek genuine connection with everyone from street vagrants to food service people to clients to friends.  I'm constantly getting lessons to help me learn to access and offer deeper and deeper levels of compassion.  And I’m learning to be more and more mindful.

My only sources of income are in the service of other human beings.  I teach love, so I can better learn love.  I help myself and others to seek and find options and choices that are win/win as opposed to win/lose or lose/lose. 

Mostly, I try to love and cherish all.  And when I notice, or someone shows me, that I'm not doing that, then I love and cherish me (and sometimes forgive me, if its appropriate), so I can go back to loving and cherishing all.

My home life is a constant search to better appreciate and love my family.  We strive to live in the room of love, all of the time.  I practice gratitude.